Do you enjoy it?

It was foggy this morning. All I saw was white in the sky. I very much enjoyed this calm, breezy atmosphere. It prompted me to think about what causes happiness.

It’s our nature to seek better things. We feel rewarded when we manage to do so. Evolutionary psychology hypothesised that it is a strategy to keep us adaptive enough to survive in a always changing environment. Since human entered modernity, most of us live in an environment much different from the natural one. It kinda makes being happy harder.

It can’t be wrong saying that it’s good to have a bigger house, a nicer car and a better partner. Certainly, getting a better thing brings a sense of excitement which lasts for a certain period of time. But the thing itself doesn’t make us happy in the long run.

Could you see yourself enjoying it?

Being realistic means an accurate understanding

Maybe sometimes, we all expect too much from different things. Something that completely solves a problem, or even all of our problems. This “happily ever after” thinking is plain unrealistic for many things that contribute to the overall happiness.

For simpler, physiological things, e.g., being hungry or tired, there does exist a straight-forward solution. Go get a meal, or have a nap.

For more complex, psychological/sociological things, e.g., interpersonal relationship (workplace/family/friendship/etc.), this isn’t the case. The multivariate nature requires a certain degree of “cultivating”. You don’t just meet a person, hang out with them, do the funny conversation, and become best friends. It requires some emotional investment.

The same idea applies to work. To me, maintaining a genuine, meaningful workplace relationship doesn’t mean chit-chatting or friday afternoon partying. It means having values in sync, disagreeing well (e.g. disagree and commit from Amazon) and having mutual respect.

And happiness is the most complex phenomenon among these all.

Being grateful and enjoying it

A more realistic approach to happiness is to not take things as granted, i.e., no “happily ever after”. Instead, be grateful to things. Having gratitude is easy when you genuinely enjoy what it brings you. Thinking about “do I enjoy it”, not only the big picture, but also the little details, helps me make decision better.

I stopped drinking because I found that I actually enjoy more the time I spend with people I care, rather than the sensation that alcohol brings. Genuinely connecting with people allows me to learn from other, as well as to share my happiness.

I started jogging because I enjoy the time in motion, in which I’m solely living in the present. Hence I’m grateful that I live in a neighbourhood where I can run around without interrupting people.

The weather is still nice outside. Maybe I can head out and enjoy a long run today.